knowing more of yourself.

Hello loves! I know its been a while I have no excuses whatsoever for my inconsistency but here I am once again its not easy trying to sleep at 3.00a.m with a mind full of thoughts. I have been asked couple of times by the gloriousglitch fam about a good read….well I am not sure if it will be a good one but I am sure its going to be a long one but please  do not get bored on the way .The other night I was watching a v log  from one of the most inspiring people I know , Karwira Laura it was one of the first v log on her you tube Chanel most of you know her as a blogger and singer but she started to do  v logging recently.  She was talking about knowing your personality, knowing who you are and she mentioned trying the Myers Briggs personality test to find out. Of course with my curiosity I did try it and found out I had an INFP-T personality, which she also happens to be  ….. how awesome is that haha. 

The Myers Briggs personality test actually is a 12 minutes test where you are just asked questions about yourself and urged to be as honest as possiblewhile answering. To others it might just be a test but as I answered those questions I realized I was actually learning about myself in aspects I had never imagined especially considering how imaginative I can be at times 😂😂😂. INFP has been given many mnemonics such as Inner Flame Passion That can truly shine  but its real abbreviation is Introversion ,Intuition, Feeling , Perception. Lets go with the abbreviation as the mnemonic is a little bit exaggerated. These abbreviations made me go back to the questions I was asked in relation to myself. 

Personally I tend not to introduce myself in a foreign crowd not even if it has two or three people that I know I would wait to be introduced if it does not happen ill just l will leave the place unknown. On  first impression people tend to think I am quiet and reserved maybe even shy but get me in a crown I am close with my laugh would be the loudest I  assure you. I often get lost in my own world even start questioning my  own existence when in distress, reasons why things happen the way they do, wonder what if a different lane was taken ,you know like how the flash changing the travel time lanes just to go to the past to save his mother  but end up putting Iris’s life in danger.(for the flash series fans I know you are with me ),I am sure you remember my last blog of how a single shoe lead to the writing of that piece😂😂😂. I would rather be behind the scenes than participate in a social events and never at any point be  the center of attraction but yes I always want to like to identify with something be appreciated we all do .  I can literally count the number of outings (or are they called flunkies… I don’t know)I  went to in high school they do not even add up to five  and its not even brag-able  because I was not a bookworm either lol . I realized that I have a tendency of being clear minded about something I have initiated if it comes to an incomplete stand still I would not have peace of mind rather have an unsettling feeling until its done even with the simple process of just trying to recover a password that I lost I always get extra worked up. I believe in creativity  not just a one channel way of dealing with issues …I always have plan B, C and even D if need be. I guess this  sums up the introversion part 

When it comes to intuition it mostly involves sensitivity like an inner insight to something. At times I tend to focus on more than reality  but on a realm that is more involved with instincts, belief or imagination. Trust me this trait is not as amusing as it sounds, as much as life is viewed better at a futuristic perspective we live in the present which has reality checks. Living in the present needs one to be in it , I tend to believe more in my intuitions even if facts are laid on the table which often does not lead to good decision making. It makes one over think and get ahead of yourself, as its said in our lay man language kujijazia…. Which means you start adding up dots that are not even there to begin with. The number of times I have done that is uncountable, and I have paid the price lost friends  , things, become unnecessarily stressed out for no good reason. But on the other hand intuition is a good thing, come to think of it one can sense bad energy from a mile away. I remember telling a friend  that I can always know when someone does not like me and he laughed…. Well newsflash I can because most of the time I am right. An added advantage of intuition it gives you a self defense mechanism that you are unaware of …. Life is not a bed of roses and not every one will be nice to you , people will love you support you only when its beneficial to them for as long as they need  to and when they get satisfied they will leave not considering the baggage they leave behind… to get by and survive we need to know how to defend ourselves from such people  if not find a way to go around them with minimum damage to ourselves. Intuition does come as a life saver here because  once you notice bad energy it will drive you to do two things. One is you will try as much as possible to avoid the situation or person that brings it, the second option is when the situation is inevitable it would lead to you lowering your expectation from the situation or person because ulishajijazia  and at the end this lowers the impact of damage that might arise .

When it comes to feeling even I cannot completely understand  but I will  try to explain from my own perspective . Feeling here was substituted with thinking , how one thinks of others, situations,environment and oneself. For those who know me my moods can change from 100% happy and jovial to 98% sad or irritated and vice versa, I have no idea how it happens but it just does 😂😂😂😂. Relating to other peoples feelings is almost normal to me, someone in a distressing situation can literally alter my moods…. I often put myself in their shoes and its not normally a good feeling. I believe in support during hard times than providing solutions, being there for someone is way better that moving heaven and earth to find them a solution when they are falling a part. I am always conscious of how my actions would affect other people… a little loop of vagueness in communication develops the feeling of worry and spend a lot of time figuring out if I did something wrong or not. As much as I do not let other peoples influence  affect the decisions I make, I tend to be in favor of decisions that make the people I care about comfortable and happy… and that also answers one of the questions of being emotionally unstable. The feeling where you avoid certain situations because deep down you know the outcome but you would not know how to handle it or maybe you’re just comfortable with the current situational status.
Finally lets finish with perception  , I hope you are all still with me please do not get lost on the way….

Perception is more of judgment ,  INFPs tend to withhold  judgment its not that we donot judge because everyone does but personally I tend not to express them… we mostly believe in proving oneself and second chances as well. We prefer to keep options open in light of a change of circumstances. We believe in loyalty rather than efficiency…. Just because someone you have known almost  your whole life  wronged you does not mean you cut them off and forget all the things they  did right   We value other peoples peace of mind other than our own personal wins at their expense, everyone has their own views of certain issues and expressing them is mandatory whether they have facts laid out or not as long as they are heard and have peace of mind.  How ever this leaves room for constant disappointment as we choose to see the good in people.

This was just a simple 12 minutes test … I have no idea if its proven true or not but all I know it brought a lot of insights on my personality. I have related to those four aspects in one way or another and I am sure some of you will too for the INFP fam. But It does not mean that now we fully know ourselves .. noo.. on the contrary  I believe this is a starting point because for me it is. Earlier in the day was talking to a friend you know one of those really serious talks about making certain decisions in life and ill quote the exact words used “the best way is to find yourself first and see what you want …and if you really need it then it will be worth the risk”  this coming from someone that wants nothing but the best from you gets you thinking a lot about who you are as a person and the decisions that you make. So Bestie I am getting there and thank you.

Anyone else trying to find yourself this test is not everything the only person who knows you through every strand of your hair and your whole being is The Almighty God , Only He will guide you to take the right path to knowing who you truly are. We  will  go through  storms and hit rock bottom but  do not doubt His will upon your life, sometimes God allows you to hit rock bottom to realize that He is the rock at the bottom, help you realize that all things do happen for your own good and He is intentional at all times in all His doing, He will help you back up , clean you up, help you re-invent yourself and know who are as you discover your purpose in this life because we all have one….. He will sustain you through it all and keep  you  for Himself. Just trust the process, maybe you reading this blog is one of them…. I  hope 😊

Thank you for reading to the end may God bless you all loves.

❤❤❤❤❤