What is your why.

Hello loves, happy New month 😊😊😊

Well I’m here once more I’m pretty sure you guys are used to my inconsistency but don’t worry I will work on that. It’s only two months to the end of the year mmmhhh …..I can’t believe how fast this year has gone I’m still taking it all in. This year has been overwhelming both in good ways and in bad ways. Even though the bad outdo the good  I have learnt that everything in life is a two way street and focusing on the negative will make us miss out on the positive which is always more important. So this year has been overwhelming in a lot of ways and most conversations I have with someone who asks how I’m doing is normally “I don’t know”  which is exactly how I have been feeling of late because purpose of ones life is something so hard to comprehend .  Apart from just school, work, family, friends we at times need a sense of direction , a feeling of need to do something that is worth it, something more than a paycheck or a certificate  ,something that shows where your passion and aspirations lie.

Purpose is a personal meaning that life has to you and if we don’t know it , it means we don’t know why we’re here and that makes it hard to keep going. As overwhelming as my year has been it has taught me a lot that’s why I said it’s a two way street . Yes there has been regrets, confusion, hard times during these times is when you realise you need something to hold on to ,something to keep you going. During these times this is what I do and hope it helps you too:-
1) Make a 360 degrees turn in your life.

Normally when we seem to see only the negative things is life we must have done 95° or maximum 180° turn but do the 360° see the whole picture because it can’t be that bad . Take yourself back to when you thought you had it all , when you had it all going for you…..the smiles, the good times the little mercies they are all there just do the turn you’ll see…then you’ll know that this one is a phase too and it will pass. Maybe your purpose lies in that 299° that you haven’t turned to, sometimes we need to  go  back in order to move forward. See what you missed back then since you’ll have a clearer view.

2) Talk to God.
Many of the conversations we have are with people , friends we believe we trust but we fear that once we walk out the door they might talk about us to others because it’s true people change up too quickly. There’s no need for such uncertainties when it comes to God . We should stop focusing on being real with people and start being real with God ,talk to him he’s a better listener than any other person I know. Even when you talk to yourself He is the only third party who listens because He is omnipresent ….let people call you crazy if they may. Just talk to the one who listens may it be a prayer or a normal conversation he hears them all. He is always there when no one else is The feeling of relief after a talk with God is unexplainable.

3) know that someone has been there before.

This verse just confirms that God knows everything about our lives from the moment we were conceived untill when you’ll finish your purpose in this life. So when you’re at crossroads , wondering what to do at whatever phase you’re in always know that someone has been through that road before so walk through it with courage because He made it to the end of the road that’s why you are here and you will make it to the end of the road as well 

4) Make necessary changes.

Back in school we had this teacher and whenever he was on duty his parting shot were ” even the bible says when your right hand  causes you to sin cut it off , if your left leg does the same cut it off too” and he would go on and on…. but I doubt he even knew the chapter in the bible 😂😂😂.

Whatever you may think is making you lag behind, making you feel like you’re not moving just let it go. Sometimes we hold on so much to things we feel we deserve but in real sense without them we’re better off, sometimes we push things force things and end up frustrated for no good reason….let it go and you’ll realise you are no longer bound by the yoke that had you bondage.  And remember surrender is the beginning of elevation just let go and let God.😊 

5) Do not conform to comparison.

Imaginatively lets say you put yourself as another person…like I put myself and my whole personality in another person and then start analysing that person….I’m very sure I would like something or let’s say a lot of things about that person  and remember that person is myself. So there’s no need to compare yourself with someone else unless it’s in terms that develop you not just because they have nice cars or have nicer hair . There’s something in you that makes you you and if you loose that trying to be someone else you’ll loose your purpose in this world.

We’re different in one way or another that a why your fingers are not all on the same level because if they we’re you wouldn’t be able to hold a pen ….we’re at different levels with different abilities so as to help each other achieve our purpose which we all have. Yes appreciate other people’s gifts and strong holds but do not question yours once you start questioning yours it’s comparing which will either make you feel inferior or superior of which neither serves a useful purpose.

6) Its all connected.

All the cocktails of happenings have a reason to it. Life is a puzzle being completed. It has lessons , that we must all learn, pain that we must all endure, love that makes us human, relationships that makes us stay connected as we journey through the road of discovering our purpose.  Do not rush through the process as each piece is important in the puzzle so is each lesson….any lesson skipped will have to be ‘re-learned . Gather each piece as it’s part of the puzzle and you’ll see yourself come out with a colorful rainbow.

7) Trust God’s timing and The process.

God works in many different ways none of us can ever imagine. Look at Saul he was annointed to be king but had to wait 20 years to sit on the throne….but he trusted in the one who annointed him . Yes at some point he did have doubts about all this  yet he still trusted in God to fulfill His promise. God is not a human being to lie…He always upholds his promise as long as he put something in your heart , in your hands, in your mind he will nurture it untill it bears fruits no matter how long it takes just trust Him to Get the work done . He has plans for us and all of them are good, all of them are for us to have life and not just life but life in abundance so if He as brought you this far and not failed you…..why would he start now?? No matter what you go through in this life even when your prayers seems to hit a wall ….know the teacher is always quiet when the student is undergoing a test..just hold on to God’s right timing He always delivers

8) Get out of your comfort zone.

They say great things begin to happen when you get out of your comfort zone so just do it. Do what you have always wanted to do if it’s fashion, a relationship, a business idea just do it. Discover new things about yourself get out there spread your wings yes you might fall (fail) but darling what if you fly. Comfort is like a prison yes it keeps you safe from the outside fears but in the inside it holds you captive but when you decide the yoke of bondage in the name of safety will have no power over you anymore. Face your fears and see where God is willing to take you. Growth begins when you step at the end of your comfort zone. The more small acts of bravery you take the more confidence you’ll have to take even bolder steps .

 

From me to you❤❤❤❤

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knowing more of yourself.

Hello loves! I know its been a while I have no excuses whatsoever for my inconsistency but here I am once again its not easy trying to sleep at 3.00a.m with a mind full of thoughts. I have been asked couple of times by the gloriousglitch fam about a good read….well I am not sure if it will be a good one but I am sure its going to be a long one but please  do not get bored on the way .The other night I was watching a v log  from one of the most inspiring people I know , Karwira Laura it was one of the first v log on her you tube Chanel most of you know her as a blogger and singer but she started to do  v logging recently.  She was talking about knowing your personality, knowing who you are and she mentioned trying the Myers Briggs personality test to find out. Of course with my curiosity I did try it and found out I had an INFP-T personality, which she also happens to be  ….. how awesome is that haha. 

The Myers Briggs personality test actually is a 12 minutes test where you are just asked questions about yourself and urged to be as honest as possiblewhile answering. To others it might just be a test but as I answered those questions I realized I was actually learning about myself in aspects I had never imagined especially considering how imaginative I can be at times 😂😂😂. INFP has been given many mnemonics such as Inner Flame Passion That can truly shine  but its real abbreviation is Introversion ,Intuition, Feeling , Perception. Lets go with the abbreviation as the mnemonic is a little bit exaggerated. These abbreviations made me go back to the questions I was asked in relation to myself. 

Personally I tend not to introduce myself in a foreign crowd not even if it has two or three people that I know I would wait to be introduced if it does not happen ill just l will leave the place unknown. On  first impression people tend to think I am quiet and reserved maybe even shy but get me in a crown I am close with my laugh would be the loudest I  assure you. I often get lost in my own world even start questioning my  own existence when in distress, reasons why things happen the way they do, wonder what if a different lane was taken ,you know like how the flash changing the travel time lanes just to go to the past to save his mother  but end up putting Iris’s life in danger.(for the flash series fans I know you are with me ),I am sure you remember my last blog of how a single shoe lead to the writing of that piece😂😂😂. I would rather be behind the scenes than participate in a social events and never at any point be  the center of attraction but yes I always want to like to identify with something be appreciated we all do .  I can literally count the number of outings (or are they called flunkies… I don’t know)I  went to in high school they do not even add up to five  and its not even brag-able  because I was not a bookworm either lol . I realized that I have a tendency of being clear minded about something I have initiated if it comes to an incomplete stand still I would not have peace of mind rather have an unsettling feeling until its done even with the simple process of just trying to recover a password that I lost I always get extra worked up. I believe in creativity  not just a one channel way of dealing with issues …I always have plan B, C and even D if need be. I guess this  sums up the introversion part 

When it comes to intuition it mostly involves sensitivity like an inner insight to something. At times I tend to focus on more than reality  but on a realm that is more involved with instincts, belief or imagination. Trust me this trait is not as amusing as it sounds, as much as life is viewed better at a futuristic perspective we live in the present which has reality checks. Living in the present needs one to be in it , I tend to believe more in my intuitions even if facts are laid on the table which often does not lead to good decision making. It makes one over think and get ahead of yourself, as its said in our lay man language kujijazia…. Which means you start adding up dots that are not even there to begin with. The number of times I have done that is uncountable, and I have paid the price lost friends  , things, become unnecessarily stressed out for no good reason. But on the other hand intuition is a good thing, come to think of it one can sense bad energy from a mile away. I remember telling a friend  that I can always know when someone does not like me and he laughed…. Well newsflash I can because most of the time I am right. An added advantage of intuition it gives you a self defense mechanism that you are unaware of …. Life is not a bed of roses and not every one will be nice to you , people will love you support you only when its beneficial to them for as long as they need  to and when they get satisfied they will leave not considering the baggage they leave behind… to get by and survive we need to know how to defend ourselves from such people  if not find a way to go around them with minimum damage to ourselves. Intuition does come as a life saver here because  once you notice bad energy it will drive you to do two things. One is you will try as much as possible to avoid the situation or person that brings it, the second option is when the situation is inevitable it would lead to you lowering your expectation from the situation or person because ulishajijazia  and at the end this lowers the impact of damage that might arise .

When it comes to feeling even I cannot completely understand  but I will  try to explain from my own perspective . Feeling here was substituted with thinking , how one thinks of others, situations,environment and oneself. For those who know me my moods can change from 100% happy and jovial to 98% sad or irritated and vice versa, I have no idea how it happens but it just does 😂😂😂😂. Relating to other peoples feelings is almost normal to me, someone in a distressing situation can literally alter my moods…. I often put myself in their shoes and its not normally a good feeling. I believe in support during hard times than providing solutions, being there for someone is way better that moving heaven and earth to find them a solution when they are falling a part. I am always conscious of how my actions would affect other people… a little loop of vagueness in communication develops the feeling of worry and spend a lot of time figuring out if I did something wrong or not. As much as I do not let other peoples influence  affect the decisions I make, I tend to be in favor of decisions that make the people I care about comfortable and happy… and that also answers one of the questions of being emotionally unstable. The feeling where you avoid certain situations because deep down you know the outcome but you would not know how to handle it or maybe you’re just comfortable with the current situational status.
Finally lets finish with perception  , I hope you are all still with me please do not get lost on the way….


Perception is more of judgment ,  INFPs tend to withhold  judgment its not that we donot judge because everyone does but personally I tend not to express them… we mostly believe in proving oneself and second chances as well. We prefer to keep options open in light of a change of circumstances. We believe in loyalty rather than efficiency…. Just because someone you have known almost  your whole life  wronged you does not mean you cut them off and forget all the things they  did right   We value other peoples peace of mind other than our own personal wins at their expense, everyone has their own views of certain issues and expressing them is mandatory whether they have facts laid out or not as long as they are heard and have peace of mind.  How ever this leaves room for constant disappointment as we choose to see the good in people.


This was just a simple 12 minutes test … I have no idea if its proven true or not but all I know it brought a lot of insights on my personality. I have related to those four aspects in one way or another and I am sure some of you will too for the INFP fam. But It does not mean that now we fully know ourselves .. noo.. on the contrary  I believe this is a starting point because for me it is. Earlier in the day was talking to a friend you know one of those really serious talks about making certain decisions in life and ill quote the exact words used “the best way is to find yourself first and see what you wantand if you really need it then it will be worth the risk”  this coming from someone that wants nothing but the best from you gets you thinking a lot about who you are as a person and the decisions that you make. So Bestie I am getting there and thank you.

Anyone else trying to find yourself this test is not everything the only person who knows you through every strand of your hair and your whole being is The Almighty God , Only He will guide you to take the right path to knowing who you truly are. We  will  go through  storms and hit rock bottom but  do not doubt His will upon your life, sometimes God allows you to hit rock bottom to realize that He is the rock at the bottom, help you realize that all things do happen for your own good and He is intentional at all times in all His doing, He will help you back up , clean you up, help you re-invent yourself and know who are as you discover your purpose in this life because we all have one….. He will sustain you through it all and keep  you  for Himself. Just trust the process, maybe you reading this blog is one of them…. I  hope 😊

Thank you for reading to the end may God bless you all loves.

❤❤❤❤❤

Maybe its not just a shoe.

I know we all make those two ,to three maybe five Visits to the bathroom at night especially when you were just in the middle of a heavenly dream but make tables turn when when when your foot decides misbehave and you end up hitting on the door …mmh ouch! Well my trip from the bathroom this time was different….Ooh well I did hit something which almost made me trip that was no different.. lol!

I hit my shoe , well my nephew has this habit of removing almost all shoes from the shoerack and distributes them around the house like he’s being paid or something. The most annoying part is when you tell him to return them and he stares blankly at you like you’re speaking Greek and later smile like you just complemented him….which is soo cute so you just let him get away with it.

Well anyway after hitting the shoe I decided to take it back to the shoerack but my trip got stuck on the arms of the couch….I just stood there and started examining the shoe and mind you it was in the dark. I remember seeing the shoe at first before even buying it…a black heel with gold details at the front and also at the back…how excited was I you have no idea  !!! It was just some  months before my attachment and all I could imagine was how I was gonna rock those heels 😂😂😂. My friends knew that it was impulse buying because first I’m not a heels kind of girl infact I wear sneakers almost all the time and still trip on things that arent even there….also to them the shoes weren’t that pretty. But once this girl here has an eye for something she gets it,so I bought the shoe. We did have good times during our early days (me and my newly found love-shoe- that is) as far as I can remember. So that night I put on the shoe to try it on …little test drive you know… and guess what, it did not fit like it used to, and worse it was a little unstable because I stumbled with just three steps , don’t know know if it was the shoe or me but I think the shoe. Wouldn’t say it was a while because I doubt my feet added so many inches within such a short time .  My friends right now would say I told you so, but thing is I’d still wear the shoe even if I would end up with blisters but of course with sandals in my bag just in case.

Away from the drama I had that night here’s what that shoe taught me. Holding that shoe that night was like holding someone’s heart’s actions or lets say emotions. We all see someone  and there the heart goes jumping with excitement. Your brain which works efficiently at the time say no, your friends who aren’t even part of you think otherwise too but you don’t care YOLO right! So you do what your heart tell you to. For a while you are sure you are in the right path, the memories keep on pilling and ohh you feel like you can fly. Your brain suddenly becomes the hater so do all you’re friends so you swash them away.

As they always say real is as fake as it gets, because suddenly  the shoe don’t fit no more. Your heart that was jumping up and down like a crazy minion is now on time out , the pieces don’t fit it’s like the puzzle was all wrong. What was a castle all stable and coloufull is now on the verge of crumbling because the instability can’t go any further. Now it’s the heart telling you I told you so after all this time…. ikr …  that amount of betrayal is just unbelievable.

 But it’s your heart  love whatever actions it takes you have to wear it carry it wherever you go and deal with all the trouble it brings…just the same way I would still wear my heel but with an extra pair is sandals 😂😂😂😂.
From me to you 💗💗💗

Finding yourself.

Hey loves, a decade it seems before you guys heard from me right haha! But here I am you will get used to my magically appearing and disappearing acts someday. Sometimes I write because of thoughts from conversations,friends but mostly I  write for me….. and I’m sure there are a lot of me’s out there. I can bet on that.

Well this year I did start with a certain degree of hypness that I kind of knew would lead me to a swamp(negative hypness it must have been). You know the thing is you reach a point in your life when you need some kind of drama not like the one in reality shows but maybe a little of it, you reach a point where the excitement is like an adrenaline giving you a kind of feeling that even surpasses cloud nine. Something out of your comfort zone , away from the eat, sleep ,wake up daily routine .  I got that feeling after new years, and with the YOLO in mind  I did go with the flow. You Only Live Once they say haha. Did make certain decisions that had consequences , and as life is never linient on anyone I had to face them later on. But the thing is I don’t regret any of it…here’s why. I have a belief that whatever action you take there are three reasons behind it:-      1.  Deep down you wanted to do it.              2. You were meant to do it in fact God willed you to it.

So loves regrets only weigh you down just find away to get around it without it consuming you….because that’s exactly what I did. The things I could change I did and I’m still doing the changes ,those that I can’t well only the Guy up there can help me .  sometimes you reach a point where you need to be crashed,to be broken down so as to be rebuild to the specifications God meant for you. You need to hibernate and fix yourself. You can also see the fixable flaw in you, you don’t need no one to tell you that. I’m not saying flaws are bad and there’s a reason why I said “fixable”. Some flaws define you and make you who you are and there’s nothing better to trade for in this world with it. But if your flaw is communication love there are books that help with that, if its not appreciating others start with yourself… Pep talks do work, if you are procrastinating everything get a reminder and work on actions rather than just ideas, call that friend you’re not talking to and start up a conversation ..be the bigger person. Fixing the fixable flaws at some point makes us feel like we belong, or like we are doing something right or we are some how complete….maybe it’s just me bt it’s how I see it .

You don’t need to shut the world out while fixing the fixable flaws …no .  All  you need is to sorround yourself with the best people that would help you through that, people who will understand that you can’t do this and that , respect your reasons and support you 100%. Surround yourself with love, friends, family, happy faces. Get out more ,love more,explore more . You don’t just get there immediately Rome wasn’t build in a day, but at the end be genuinely the happy you. I can’t say I’m in a good place but as they say the journey of 1000 miles begins with a single step.

 Peace of mind is key to happiness of the soul loves.

You can be the sunshine in the room if you want to be.

Not trying is the worst mistake. 

Heard

I heard a voice in my head say do this the outcome would be just as you want no one would get hurt infact everyone would be happy. … And then I heard another say what if youre wrong , what if it turns out not as you want and everyone blames you for it?   

Each  voice in my head made sense but picking the devil’s voice  and the angel’s voice was the problem because apparently they had the same voice,  tone and even sincerity…. Ever been between a rock and a hard place??  Well I have hundreds of times but at the end I have to make a decision basing on the voices I heard in my head about the issue. Only after making the decision would you know the outcome. And besides that’s the reason why second chances exist. 

 They say decisions make our lives what what they are today,  it determines our fate or better yet our destiny and even that of those around us ,  so do theirs .  No one knows what is right and what is wrong , even I  myself don’t but we have to try there is a reason those voices are heard.  The fate of man is determined by whatever decisions or path he tries to avoid… So whatever voices you hear in your head may it be hissing of the devil or your guardian angel go with your guts and just do it … Trust Your instincts..  the worst mistake you can ever do is not try.  It don’t matter which voice you heard was right at the end! 

What you have Vs what you want.

Each of us has desires what we want to have may it  be cars, dream houses, certain jobs, kids, love, shoes  for those not fortunate enough just to have food and somewhere to sleep would light up their faces.  But we focus on wants and forget what we already have what life has given us presently… What we hold in our hands that can easily be snatched or worse fall and be broken …. just then would we start appreciating something what we already lost. 

Contentment doesn’t mean we forget aspiring for more and working hard to achieve your goals noo… It means that one appreciates what they have been given and this brings more blessings and your wants would flow.  Contentment means acceptance it means you no longer lustfully desire what is not yours but you are proud of what you have . Once you reach that point everyone else would see your glow they would even want to be like you , want  what you have even when you think you have nothing. If you’re not appreciating what you have then its obvious when you have what you want you’ll still not appreciate it . You would still not see the goodness in it because you never did from the beginning… Your desires were not truthful

Recognizing what you have enjoying and loving it makes it a part of us and no matter what happens or what else is added we will never loose it..may it be cars whether it was an old junk it sure did give you breakdown memories,  friends would stick as long as you treat them right those who leave don’t carry the memories along with them,  family always have your back in whatever situations and returning the favour brings them closer, work will always pay bills and keep you out of debt just do it passionately you will feel the contentment,  your kids ..  Raise them right and believe in the love you give them they will take care of you when your old and weary. But once we loose touch of all these we will never get to where we desire to be in life…. Each of us has family ,  friends,  a job,  parents or kids somewhere they are what you have and appreciating them will eventually bring what we want whatever it may be. 

At some point we may feel like we have nothing at all but love just close your eyes,  Take a deep breathe and look around you , You have the gift of life that’s a start to getting all you want aslong as you appreciate it.   :):):):)

Put yourself in their shoes.

Each event, happening incident has a learning experience ,you just have to be open minded. I had a colleague yesterday ask me to help him draft a letter asking for advance in payment, after he was done he came showed me what he had done and was on his way taking it for approval. Looking at that letter all I could think of was my dad, your parents,our parents…..how many times do we insist that we want this and that from them and even give them a deadline, not caring how they get the resources to do what we ask of them.

 

I had no idea what that colleague of mine wanted to do with that money but the look on his face, the worry in his eyes made my heart ache from the inside. He made me open my eyes, see how far our parents  are willing to go to make ends meet, how far their trust in God goes is undefined. As that man took his advance payment for approval not knowing if he would be able to pay the debt as per the deadline…. he still takes it, he still believes it would be approved , he would be able to do what he has budgeted and  even pay it when it matures.

It just goes without saying, be understanding , kind and helpful to your guardians whenever we make demands from them be it financial, physical, spiritual and even mental, lets understands that they are humans and  therefore not perfect. Gone are the days when we were little kids and believed that mom and dad had the answers  to everything , there is nothing they did not know. We grew up and realized that life never comes as easy even those born with a silver spoon have their own storms that we know nothing about. Those we love go out of their way to make us comfortable to make us go through life  hustles with a smile, they try their best to make us better people.

Tomorrow  you will be the parent and just as you are treating yours so will your kids treat you. My mom tells me whatever I do to her my kids will do the same and even multiply by 2 I normally  laugh it off but she is right…. choose wisely how you want to be treated. Be wise by being  kind and understanding to those that care about us.

And just remember that in this life, no one wants you to be successful  more than your parents do.

On that note help me wish my amazing Dad a Happy Happy Birthday

I love you Papa.